SO THE House of Representatives has decided it does not want any more gun control. Quite right, too. The proposal on the table was for mandatory background checks on buyers at gun shows. Outrageous. America has only 4,000 of these shows each year, and they are fun family affairs to which children are admitted free. Imagine the distress of these little ones when their father, already happily toting his semi-automatic, is asked to give his Social Security number!

Yet this proposal is only the tip of a much bigger issue: who or what is to blame for America’s horrible levels of violence, especially among the young. Some say guns cause it. Nonsense. There are only 192m firearms in the hands of private citizens, which is not yet enough for each man, woman and child to defend their lives and their property according to their sacred rights enshrined in the constitution. This is not a nation armed to the teeth, but a responsible citizenry. If there are bad elements among them, the evil is not in their guns. It is in their souls. What they need is not gun-control, but God.

Consider the words of Tom DeLay, the majority whip. He knows the answers lie not in background checks or child-locks but in restoring the teaching of creationism in the schools. It is in the spirit of Mr DeLay that the House decided, rather than controlling guns, to allow the Ten Commandments to be posted on the walls of every public school in America. That will teach them.

It is, of course, possible that the Supreme Court (a Godless institution) will decide that this offends against the separation of church and state. If this happens, Congress has an alternative set of commandments ready. They will do just as well.

1. Honour the National Rifle Association, and remember that it doth contribute $4m to congressional campaigns.

2. A well-regulated militia being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms shall not be infringed.

3. Honour the Sabbath day and keep it holy. Six days shalt thou labour and do all thy work, and on the seventh thou shalt do target practice.

4. Honour thy father and thy mother, or they will blow thy head off.

5. Thou shalt not kill, except when provoked. But if thou dost, remember that thy gun had nothing to do with it.

6. Thou shalt not commit adultery, for the husband probably has a cupboard even fuller of ordnance than thine.

7. Thou shalt not steal, because then thou shalt be unable to pass a gun-shop background check.

8. Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbour, saying he hath illegally imported assault weapons from China, when in truth they are Russian ex-army issue.

9. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s wife’s little pearl-handled number which she keepeth in her bedside drawer.

10. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s Uzi, for behold it may well be turned against thee.

And greater than all these? "Thou shalt love thy gun as thyself, for it hath made America what it is today."